Work Policies changed

1ForAll · 01-26-2011, 10:46 AM

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

Little_Titto · 01-26-2011, 11:06 AM

You ass. You should not post these during works hours. People look at you funny when you burst out in laughter

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1ForAll

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

PsychoSlug · 01-26-2011, 02:32 PM

Wait - you work here too?

06E90Rostik · 01-31-2011, 02:50 PM

LOLing hard!

I am still too young to be RAPEd, SHAFTed or SCREWed, but I get SHIT all the time.

01-26-2011, 10:46 AM	#1
1ForAll Colonel 147 Rep 2,127 Posts Drives: E92 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Orlando iTrader: (4) Garage List 2007 OSS Designs 335 [9.16] 2007 BMW 335i [9.28] 2007 BMW 335i [7.60]	Work Policies changed Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get. __________________ "Go with Ray's. His e92 is God." - mashimarho
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01-26-2011, 02:32 PM	#3
PsychoSlug Lieutenant 36 Rep 564 Posts Drives: E90 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Nowhere iTrader: (0)	Wait - you work here too?
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01-31-2011, 02:50 PM	#4
06E90Rostik 2006 join date crew 191 Rep 1,482 Posts Drives: 2006 325i, 2011 335i Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: CA, Sacramento iTrader: (10) Garage List 2011 335i [10.00] 2006 325i [0.00]	LOLing hard! I am still too young to be RAPEd, SHAFTed or SCREWed, but I get SHIT all the time.
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