[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by Lups

{shortened}

"Mom 30% of births consist the mother pooping while giving birth!! Did you poop? Was I a poop baby?!"

{shortened}

"Yes, son. That's why daddy and I call you 'a little shit.'"

[Lups]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

"Yes, son. That's why daddy and I call you 'a little shit.'"

I actually call him that at times behind his back. God he drives me nuts.

"mom what happens if I climb to the roof of the cabin and jump?"
"well try it out."
"fine. I will!!"
"mom what will you say if I steal your car and drive like you do?!"
"I'd say insurance company will love me but go nuts."

"mom., I am going to jump off this cliff and swim ashore."
"go nuts. Catch me a fish!"

"Mom dad is trying to make me drive without the practicing wheels. I am calling the child services!"

The three year old drives without the extra wheels, the other insists it is inhumane and bad parenting.

[lsturbointeg]

lol at this thread...i'll contribute!

my son was probably around 5yrs old at the time...wife was going over the ABC's and 123's. well, for some reason when my wife said "A is for?'...and she couldn't come up with something right away and my son yells out "A$$hole!" that's what you call Daddy right Mommy?!"

[Lups]

Originally Posted by lsturbointeg

lol at this thread...i'll contribute!

my son was probably around 5yrs old at the time...wife was going over the ABC's and 123's. well, for some reason when my wife said "A is for?'...and she couldn't come up with something right away and my son yells out "A$$hole!" that's what you call Daddy right Mommy?!"

These are epic!

I cuss a lot but my kids never do. Even road rage they do politely, which kills me.

" dear madam, learn how to drive" was written in a note I once found from my car.

"mom I show this to female drivers who make you cuss."

Oh well... Maybe that works.

[jgoens]

Just went to the park today and brought a basketball. Took a first shot...from free throw line..total air ball. My 6 year old son laughs and says, "loser."
My quote for the day.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by jgoens

Just went to the park today and brought a basketball. Took a first shot...from free throw line..total air ball. My 6 year old son laughs and says, "loser."
My quote for the day.

People need to share these more! Jesus everyone who has a kid thinks he/ she is the only one getting humiliated. They ain't!

And to clarify: A medical decree is not needed now because of my kids try to kill themselves all the time, but because now all they talk about is bodily functions, mainly pooping and babies and yup, penises! Thank god our immediate families have a lot of people who can understand this phase since it is extremely hard to explain to an outsider that a kid can be so fucking weird.

"mom I read that low birthrate and education level of the parents goes together. So, which of you is the stupid one or was the tiny kid an accident?"

And the tiny one is a fuck up too.

"mom I know what girls like. Red, cute animals and long hair."

Two years after that and he doesn't allow me to cut his hair, he prefers (but doesn't insist anymore as he did earlier) to wear red and yup, my three year old is called (by a nickname) a Pupu, Bunny.

[Lups]

Oh one more!

A month ago, my favorite bands all played on the same tour. I had tickets and I was going to go with my army palls. Our youngest ran a fever that day, so I stayed at home and hubby went (he is more than qualified to handle a fever or a broken limb, but I'm not capable of staying away if something's up).

"mom dad went with your friends."
"yup"
" how come can he know you your friends?"
"we've been together for 12 years. We all are friends together"
"no way am I having a wife one day. My friends would never hang out with a girl!"
"hey my friends are guys, and they hang out with me all the time! Girls are cool!"
"right, but now they are spending the night with our dad"
"yes, dad is a guy, so they'll have a guys night."

A few minutes passed.

"mom so girls and boys can be friends?"
"yes. They can and that doesn't matter if they are your real friends."
"has dad gone alone with your buddies before? You're all old friends but wouldn't you pump out old humiliating stories?"

Well, a month later and he has pumped all the stories out from dad. I am more than ever the laughing stock of the family.

[j_marinelli]

LOL these are great!

My son has been going through a gassy stage and is constantly farting. He knows it makes me laugh and does it for the attention. A month or so ago my son, wife and I are all on the couch watching tv when he gets up goes up to mom and lets one loose on her. "Dad, I just farted on Mom! Are you proud of me?!?!" Wife immediately gives me the "look of death". "No son, girls don't like that". When I tucked him in bed later I of course gave him knuckles and told him good job He then called for mom and informed her that it was okay to fart on mommy because daddy said so

[jgoens]

Originally Posted by j_marinelli

LOL these are great!

My son has been going through a gassy stage and is constantly farting. He knows it makes me laugh and does it for the attention. A month or so ago my son, wife and I are all on the couch watching tv when he gets up goes up to mom and lets one loose on her. "Dad, I just farted on Mom! Are you proud of me?!?!" Wife immediately gives me the "look of death". "No son, girls don't like that". When I tucked him in bed later I of course gave him knuckles and told him good job He then called for mom and informed her that it was okay to fart on mommy because daddy said so

Oh yeah..we do the same thing. He gives a fart and I laugh and when I rip one he laughs...it's the natural acknowledgment! But man oh man..some of his farts are really nasty.

[F80Dreamer]

Lots of great stories on this thread...I have two incredible boys, now 13 and 16 years old. Lots of funny stories with them, but one really sticks out for me. When my 13 year old was two, he used to sneak up behind me while I was standing up peeing in the toilet...he would stand right behind me and stick his head through my legs and I would jump two feet in the air, scared to death...not to mention the pee mess I left behind Way more funny now!!

[sirdaft1]

Originally Posted by neverdone

Mine took a shit down a vent when he was 5. Yep. I'm so proud. we still have no idea why. He just said "I wanted to try it."

To this day it's the worst thing he's done. But it's the thing I remember the most about the shit that he does lol.

Hahahaha!!! Our good friends little girl was 2-3 years old when she crapped in a cup and then hid it in inside the vent as well!! They couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from for a few days until they opened the vent up. You can imagine their surprise. Something about kid crapping in vents lol!