[J-Rod]

Wow!!! How did this end up here??? I suddently felt like when having a couple of beers with a couple of guys 30+ trying to give advice to a younger nephew or cousin or something. Which is both amusing and funny (not in a bad way, but because we've ALL been through it before)! Anyways, old thread, hope OP already got some and they lived happily ever after, OR got some from one of her slutty friends!

Originally Posted by tony20009

I have several thoughts on this:

• It's only been three weeks! What exactly are your expectations and desires at this point? It would help us to give you a good answer if we knew precisely what you wanted. Do you just want to have sex with her? Do you want a demure girlfriend? Do you want an older woman? Do you want a GF who knows what she's doing in bed?
• Has it occurred to you that her actions may be a reflection that, at this point in time, she may not be as into you as you are her? Maybe she's "testing the waters" with you, but isn't yet sure what she thinks of you?
• Why would she feign " the good girl?" Perhaps it's because of some perception she has of you? Perhaps it is indeed because she's very experienced and is afraid you may not want that in someone of her age? I have no idea, but I know that folks of integrity don't pretend to be something they are not. So, if her standoffishness isn't the result of a vibe she's getting from you, this is a fish you may want to toss back. Forget about "why" and move on.
• Three weeks in, you can't read her mind, and expect to accurately assess her motivations any more than she can yours. That you are asking a ton of complete strangers for insight on this matter suggests to me the communication between you and her is non-existent or, at best pitiful. If you two can't discuss the matter candidly and objectively, you two aren't going to be a successful couple. If you feel you can't really have that sort of communication with her, regardless of why that be so, move on now and let bygones be bygones.
  
  What you need to do is sit down with this girl and discuss this matter with her. I suggest you tell her what you feel/think, but avoiding asserting anything about her, her character, her chastity, etc. I can't suggest to you how to start that conversation, because I don't know you or her and however you initiate the discussion, it must work with your style and character, not mine.
  
  I sense you don't have much experience at having such discussions, in large measure because you are asking us about it, rather than just telling us about it and soliciting no input. Accordingly, you just have to do it in the way you think best. If you two are meant for each other, whatever way you choose will work. It may work; it may not, but at the least, you'll learn how to be more effective at it the next time. And there will have to be a "next time" if you want a relationship; all successful relationships require honest,open communication.
• I said I can't tell you how to deliver your message. I might be able to give you some insight on figuring out what to say. You'll recall my first bullet asked you what you are expecting. I suggest you write those things down as succinct bullet points. Then organize your thoughts about each of those goals and write them down, making sure not to edit the thoughts themselves as you write them. Then put the paper/file aside. A day or two later, because separation from them will give a bit of objectivity, read them from the standpoint of someone who is the recipient/object of those thoughts. This will accomplish several things for you:
  • If you think you'd feel the need to become defensive upon hearing someone say that to you, you'll know you need to find a better way to present your ideas and concerns. If your delivery puts her on the defensive, it's probably over right then and there.
  • If your thoughts are just a rambling, disorganized mess leading to nothing clear, you may well have nothing worth saying and/or nothing worthy of concern. Drop the matter and let things continue as they are and see what happens. Just be wary of arriving at this conclusion because it is the path of least resistance. Successful relationships are so, in part, because they can endure challenge not because they can't.
    
    The "happy path," or "acquaintances with benefits," sort of relationship is successful because there's just no need to ask for more or challenge the current state of things. That happens when both parties know they each only want the affair to be of a limited nature. (Of course, they an only know that if they communicated enough for that to be so.) Such relationships never get beyond having fun while it's convenient for both parties. One example of this is a person who travels often to some place and has physical relationship with someone in that city, but also has a spouse back home. Another is the person who has several relationships whereby none of which s/he expects/hopes will endure for the long term. One of them may move past the "happy path" stage, but then all the others fall by the wayside at that point.
  • You'll be able to tell from the initial bullet points whether your concerns/desires are reasonable overall, as well as in consideration of the tenure of your relationship. If they aren't you need to get over them for the time being or just move on to someone new.
• Assuming they pose no threat to your safety, her friends shouldn't matter to you beyond the fact that because they are her friends, you need to show her the respect of being respectful to and of them.
• You are right to ignore what your friends say about her. Whom you date, f*ck, marry, etc. is frankly none of their concern, unless, of course, they want to "get with you" or with the person you are seeing. In either case, their lack of integrity on the matter would call into question, were I you, the sincerity of their friendship. (That's not to say friends can't be lovers for indeed love works out best when the people involved are friends. It doesn't matter whether the love or the friendship comes first. When lovers are friends, even if the love part fails, the friendship endures if it was genuine in the first place.)
• As I understand what you wrote, it seems to me the only thing that's concerning you is that your friends have poisoned your mind regarding this girl. You said your friends' comments don't bother you, yet the things that concern you seem to be exactly that. In fact, I'm not certain whether it's your relationship with your friends or your relationship with the girl that's actually troubling you most. You have a decision to make, and you may need to take action:
  • They are right and, as I intimated above, she's deliberately deceiving you regarding her true nature. If that's the case, move on. The reason you are disturbed is that you know they are right about her, but you want to "conquer" before you move on and you are trying to have your cake and eat it too, as it were. Get over it. She doesn't have exclusive rights to good p*ssy.
  • They are wrong. You'll need to have that discussion with the girl if you indeed feel they are wrong. That's the only way you are going to get an accurate answer on that point.
    
    Assuming they have gone beyond one time expressing their opinions with you, you need to put them on notice. If that's necessary, tell your friends that you appreciate their courage, altruism, and integrity for sharing, as your friends, their thoughts about this girl and that you understand their comments are offered only as the kind advice of well intentioned friends. You need to make clear to them that you've heard what they had to say and will consider it as you feel it appropriate to do so. Then you need to tell them cease and desist, show the girl the respect she deserves, if only because you like her, and unless you expressly ask for their input, keep mum on the matter.
    
    For your part, you need to stop discussing with them what's going on between you and the girl. It's not their business and the less they know about it, the better off you all will be. They clearly don't like the girl, or they are jealous. Either way, you have nothing to gain by discussing it with them. They aren't going to be supportive; they've already shown that to be the case. Lastly, you may want to keep your eye open for some new friends who can behave with more maturity than your current ones have thus far, provided it wasn't you who for all intents and purposes asked them to poison your mind. Actually, you may want to do that anyway seeing as it's us you are having to ask for input, rather than being able to rely on the folks who are supposed to be your support network. Just what kind of friends are these people?

Finally, if all this "concern" of yours is really just about getting some tail, you just have a few choices:

• Bust a move and see what happens.
• Tell the girl you want to do the nasty and see how she responds.
• Ask the girl why she thinks y'all ain't got busy yet. Take it from there.
• Go get yo'self some strange.

One parting thought regarding your friends: I realize that, as if often the case among young folks, that it may just be your needing to ask us about this situation is a matter of two cliches acting in concert:

• The blind leading the blind -- rarely a good position
• Birds of a feather flocking together -- it's just that none of you is all that knowledgeable about relationship building

So, please don't get defensive about what I've said. I've tried to be objective and helpful, not insulting. I wish you the best and hope the situation pans out in a way that suits you.

[J-Rod]

Originally Posted by infidel335

Nothing says I love you like a dick slap to the face. Try that out. If it doesn't work then you're dating a closet lesbian.

[tony20009]

Originally Posted by J-Rod

Wow!!! How did this end up here??? I suddently felt like when having a couple of beers with a couple of guys 30+ trying to give advice to a younger nephew or cousin or something. Which is both amusing and funny (not in a bad way, but because we've ALL been through it before)! Anyways, old thread, hope OP already got some and they lived happily ever after, OR got some from one of her slutty friends!

It's easier to give that kind of advice in writing, if you ask me. Every time I've been enjoined to do so in real life, the f*cker keeps interrupting with, "well, yea, but...,"

I'm the sort of friend that I suggested the OP seek. I don't want to be all up in my friends' personal affairs and I really have no interest in debating someone else's relationship or my own. I'm more the type to say my piece -- long or short -- and be done. They can do with it what they want after that. In the meantime, I'd just as soon we go grab a drink, play a game of chess or cards, and talk about something else.

The simple fact is that one can tell one's friends what one thinks, but they are going to do what they want to anyway. Once you've said your bit, what else is there to say? They know what you think on the matter, what happens next in the relationship is theirs to determine.

It would be intriguing to hear just where the OP ended up with the girl though. I suspect that the short of it is that things worked out about as others have concluded.

[JN1]

Upgrade to stage 2

[J-Rod]

Originally Posted by tony20009

It's easier to give that kind of advice in writing, if you ask me. Every time I've been enjoined to do so in real life, the f*cker keeps interrupting with, "well, yea, but...,"

I'm the sort of friend that I suggested the OP seek. I don't want to be all up in my friends' personal affairs and I really have no interest in debating someone else's relationship or my own. I'm more the type to say my piece -- long or short -- and be done. They can do with it what they want after that. In the meantime, I'd just as soon we go grab a drink, play a game of chess or cards, and talk about something else.

The simple fact is that one can tell one's friends what one thinks, but they are going to do what they want to anyway. Once you've said your bit, what else is there to say? They know what you think on the matter, what happens next in the relationship is theirs to determine.

It would be intriguing to hear just where the OP ended up with the girl though. I suspect that the short of it is that things worked out about as others have concluded.

So true...

[dny]

Pics of the said GF to get an idea what you're dealing with...

[F32]

Two glasses of wine and a xanny. /thread

[F32]

Originally Posted by tony20009

I have several thoughts on this:

• It's only been three weeks! What exactly are your expectations and desires at this point? It would help us to give you a good answer if we knew precisely what you wanted. Do you just want to have sex with her? Do you want a demure girlfriend? Do you want an older woman? Do you want a GF who knows what she's doing in bed?
• Has it occurred to you that her actions may be a reflection that, at this point in time, she may not be as into you as you are her? Maybe she's "testing the waters" with you, but isn't yet sure what she thinks of you?
• Why would she feign " the good girl?" Perhaps it's because of some perception she has of you? Perhaps it is indeed because she's very experienced and is afraid you may not want that in someone of her age? I have no idea, but I know that folks of integrity don't pretend to be something they are not. So, if her standoffishness isn't the result of a vibe she's getting from you, this is a fish you may want to toss back. Forget about "why" and move on.
• Three weeks in, you can't read her mind, and expect to accurately assess her motivations any more than she can yours. That you are asking a ton of complete strangers for insight on this matter suggests to me the communication between you and her is non-existent or, at best pitiful. If you two can't discuss the matter candidly and objectively, you two aren't going to be a successful couple. If you feel you can't really have that sort of communication with her, regardless of why that be so, move on now and let bygones be bygones.
  
  What you need to do is sit down with this girl and discuss this matter with her. I suggest you tell her what you feel/think, but avoiding asserting anything about her, her character, her chastity, etc. I can't suggest to you how to start that conversation, because I don't know you or her and however you initiate the discussion, it must work with your style and character, not mine.
  
  I sense you don't have much experience at having such discussions, in large measure because you are asking us about it, rather than just telling us about it and soliciting no input. Accordingly, you just have to do it in the way you think best. If you two are meant for each other, whatever way you choose will work. It may work; it may not, but at the least, you'll learn how to be more effective at it the next time. And there will have to be a "next time" if you want a relationship; all successful relationships require honest,open communication.
• I said I can't tell you how to deliver your message. I might be able to give you some insight on figuring out what to say. You'll recall my first bullet asked you what you are expecting. I suggest you write those things down as succinct bullet points. Then organize your thoughts about each of those goals and write them down, making sure not to edit the thoughts themselves as you write them. Then put the paper/file aside. A day or two later, because separation from them will give a bit of objectivity, read them from the standpoint of someone who is the recipient/object of those thoughts. This will accomplish several things for you:
  • If you think you'd feel the need to become defensive upon hearing someone say that to you, you'll know you need to find a better way to present your ideas and concerns. If your delivery puts her on the defensive, it's probably over right then and there.
  • If your thoughts are just a rambling, disorganized mess leading to nothing clear, you may well have nothing worth saying and/or nothing worthy of concern. Drop the matter and let things continue as they are and see what happens. Just be wary of arriving at this conclusion because it is the path of least resistance. Successful relationships are so, in part, because they can endure challenge not because they can't.
    
    The "happy path," or "acquaintances with benefits," sort of relationship is successful because there's just no need to ask for more or challenge the current state of things. That happens when both parties know they each only want the affair to be of a limited nature. (Of course, they an only know that if they communicated enough for that to be so.) Such relationships never get beyond having fun while it's convenient for both parties. One example of this is a person who travels often to some place and has physical relationship with someone in that city, but also has a spouse back home. Another is the person who has several relationships whereby none of which s/he expects/hopes will endure for the long term. One of them may move past the "happy path" stage, but then all the others fall by the wayside at that point.
  • You'll be able to tell from the initial bullet points whether your concerns/desires are reasonable overall, as well as in consideration of the tenure of your relationship. If they aren't you need to get over them for the time being or just move on to someone new.
• Assuming they pose no threat to your safety, her friends shouldn't matter to you beyond the fact that because they are her friends, you need to show her the respect of being respectful to and of them.
• You are right to ignore what your friends say about her. Whom you date, f*ck, marry, etc. is frankly none of their concern, unless, of course, they want to "get with you" or with the person you are seeing. In either case, their lack of integrity on the matter would call into question, were I you, the sincerity of their friendship. (That's not to say friends can't be lovers for indeed love works out best when the people involved are friends. It doesn't matter whether the love or the friendship comes first. When lovers are friends, even if the love part fails, the friendship endures if it was genuine in the first place.)
• As I understand what you wrote, it seems to me the only thing that's concerning you is that your friends have poisoned your mind regarding this girl. You said your friends' comments don't bother you, yet the things that concern you seem to be exactly that. In fact, I'm not certain whether it's your relationship with your friends or your relationship with the girl that's actually troubling you most. You have a decision to make, and you may need to take action:
  • They are right and, as I intimated above, she's deliberately deceiving you regarding her true nature. If that's the case, move on. The reason you are disturbed is that you know they are right about her, but you want to "conquer" before you move on and you are trying to have your cake and eat it too, as it were. Get over it. She doesn't have exclusive rights to good p*ssy.
  • They are wrong. You'll need to have that discussion with the girl if you indeed feel they are wrong. That's the only way you are going to get an accurate answer on that point.
    
    Assuming they have gone beyond one time expressing their opinions with you, you need to put them on notice. If that's necessary, tell your friends that you appreciate their courage, altruism, and integrity for sharing, as your friends, their thoughts about this girl and that you understand their comments are offered only as the kind advice of well intentioned friends. You need to make clear to them that you've heard what they had to say and will consider it as you feel it appropriate to do so. Then you need to tell them cease and desist, show the girl the respect she deserves, if only because you like her, and unless you expressly ask for their input, keep mum on the matter.
    
    For your part, you need to stop discussing with them what's going on between you and the girl. It's not their business and the less they know about it, the better off you all will be. They clearly don't like the girl, or they are jealous. Either way, you have nothing to gain by discussing it with them. They aren't going to be supportive; they've already shown that to be the case. Lastly, you may want to keep your eye open for some new friends who can behave with more maturity than your current ones have thus far, provided it wasn't you who for all intents and purposes asked them to poison your mind. Actually, you may want to do that anyway seeing as it's us you are having to ask for input, rather than being able to rely on the folks who are supposed to be your support network. Just what kind of friends are these people?

Finally, if all this "concern" of yours is really just about getting some tail, you just have a few choices:

• Bust a move and see what happens.
• Tell the girl you want to do the nasty and see how she responds.
• Ask the girl why she thinks y'all ain't got busy yet. Take it from there.
• Go get yo'self some strange.

One parting thought regarding your friends: I realize that, as if often the case among young folks, that it may just be your needing to ask us about this situation is a matter of two cliches acting in concert:

• The blind leading the blind -- rarely a good position
• Birds of a feather flocking together -- it's just that none of you is all that knowledgeable about relationship building

So, please don't get defensive about what I've said. I've tried to be objective and helpful, not insulting. I wish you the best and hope the situation pans out in a way that suits you.

You need a fucking hobby.

[Endless619]

Originally Posted by ricanbandit

Ah youth... Gotta Love it... My advice, chill with the whole virgin thing not a big deal IMO, of course I am way older than you and have the benefit of countless years of experience. You WILL laugh about this in the future. Best of Luck

I agree with you. Well said.

OP: This is a non-issue IMO. To me a 19 year old child is a waste of time.

You couldn't pay me enough to even consider a 19 year old child and I am in my 30s. Simply put, they have nothing to offer. They just don't regardless of what any of us think.

Next question is how old are you?

[F32]

Originally Posted by Endless619

You couldn't pay me enough to even consider a 19 year old child and I am in my 30s. Simply put, they have nothing to offer. They just don't regardless of what any of us think.

Next question is how old are you?

I dated a 19 year old when I was 26 for 6 months.

You're missing out.

[1MOREMOD]

haha you said caress! seriously try the naked man it could move things along rather quickly. if shes faking the innocent thing she wont anymore and if shes not you might break it for her.

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by TeinBMW

i agree...hope she moved on..this is a shallow thing to post..she could easily trace this back to you or even one of her family members could recognize your e90 name and trace it back to you and then back to her and know all of her personal details..you should not be writing personal shit like this online...im sure you wouldnt like it she posted on a victoria secret forum about how bad you are in bed and about you size and shit...think about it..if you wouldn't want her to write embarrassing or personal stuff online then why would you????

Wait wait hold on one second, there's a hobbyist Victoria Secret forum where girl talk sex?!

Link me pronto!

[mdosu]

Forget your girlfriend, tell us more about her said friends; Any pics and your hidden camera screenshots would aid discussion

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

Three weeks constitutes a serious relationship? Give it time... LOTS of time.

It's a complex formula of time weighted dating hours and when you get to piitb.

[Billup]

Originally Posted by F32

I dated a 19 year old when I was 26 for 6 months.

You're missing out.

This is the truth. You just got to learn to dine and dash before they start wanting something "more".

19 year old girl mentality...., who knows what kind of bat shit crazy things are going on upstairs.

But then again, won't make much difference if you're downstairs.

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by Billup

This is the truth. You just got to learn to dine and dash before they start wanting something "more".

19 year old girl mentality...., who knows what kind of bat shit crazy things are going on upstairs.

But then again, won't make much difference if you're downstairs.

1moremod is living the dream....

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by CDM3DCT

Three weeks is way tooo long IMO. If I don't get it on the first date I'm moving on- then again I date several sluts at the same time so I might not be the best source for advice.

Being somewhat young myself, I live by the motto you only live once and unless you want to have something serious with this chick I wouldn't invest to much time. You're young, live it up!! So many woman out there and so many ways to get your dick wet. Just don't raw dawg these wenches. You only live once has boundaries... HIV+ = YOLO EPIC FAIL!!!

your ideas are intriguing to me, and I would like to subscribe to your news letter.

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by Dashman

These type of threads always end up in a few camps


*The older than 30 earnest advice givers
*The younger than 30 PITB-ers
*mdosu
*1moremod

My take? Anyone seeking chic advice on a car forum is already too far behind the curve so might as well do the naked man then PITB.

fixed it fo ya

[Billup]

Originally Posted by mdosu

1moremod is living the dream....

My girlfriend was 18 at one point, now she is 21 and lost all her zest. My dream has died and turned into a nightmare.

[mdosu]

Originally Posted by Billup

My girlfriend was 18 at one point, now she is 21 and lost all her zest. My dream has died and turned into a nightmare.

trade're in, look for a higher lease residual.

[Billup]

Gotta find something with less miles in front of the local HS's.

[F32]

Originally Posted by Billup

Gotta find something with less miles in front of the local HS's.

Be aware of the high schoolers. Parents can be an issue.