Psychologists

e90335e36m3 · 01-24-2022, 07:13 PM

Anyone on the board who is one or who can recommend one? I've tried the better help route and had appointments with a few locals, not really to my satisfaction. Relationships & marital counseling is focus. Thx! PM me.

RnmEvo9 · 01-24-2022, 08:26 PM

You are better off getting a divorce than to seek marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is basically a circle jerk where you as a man are always at fault and need to do better.

Cut your losses and enjoy your newfound freedom from the plantation known as marriage.

upstatedoc · 01-25-2022, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RnmEvo9

You are better off getting a divorce than to seek marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is basically a circle jerk where you as a man are always at fault and need to do better.

Cut your losses and enjoy your newfound freedom from the plantation known as marriage.

And I thought I was bitter

eluded · 01-25-2022, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RnmEvo9

You are better off getting a divorce than to seek marriage counseling.

nyalpine90 · 01-25-2022, 08:42 AM

Topcarbon · 01-25-2022, 08:48 AM

If my psychiatrist was hanging around car forums and posting about his car I would not be his patient. Cool that he likes cars and we could talk about my addiction on cars but that’s about as far as that goes.

My advise is if you are serious about your request, ask a friend to recommend someone, as I’m sure one has had challenges with their spouse.

Mein11 · 01-25-2022, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topcarbon

If my psychiatrist was hanging around car forums and posting about his car I would not be his patient. Cool that he likes cars and we could talk about my addiction on cars but that’s about as far as that goes.

What hobbies would you rather your psychiatrist have to better suit marital counseling? Circus acting and magic?

Day Laborer · 01-25-2022, 09:18 AM

look for the LMFT specialty

https://www.caredash.com/articles/lm...mily-therapist

Topcarbon · 01-25-2022, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mein11

What hobbies would you rather your psychiatrist have to better suit marital counseling? Circus acting and magic?

May be more qualified

Alfisti · 01-25-2022, 09:52 AM

I will be more thoughtful but also echo concerns re. marriage counseling. We used one and so did my sister in law and both were women who really focused on making sure the woman was happy. I am not talking about choosing sides but it was clear that the theme was "happy wife, happy life".

I have touched on this before but there is this cultural issue at play here where women can throw their toys out the pram and get what they want basically because the man is tired of all the conflict and just wants some fucking peace.

I also found they struggled to identify the true underlying problems. Ours said to me "she feels unloved" and she clearly pushed us, instantly, to try and solve that (us writing nice notes to each other etc) but never dug into why she feels unloved and why I was acting in a way that made her feel unloved. Short answer to that was she was behaving like a complete cunt so i pulled away but we never got to that point of discussion.

You also need to know your partner, these sessions only work if you're both totally honest and she is going to crack the shits as son as you leave the room because you were honest about your take, then you're back to square one.

You also need to know what theory they prescribe too, they all learnt different methods and theories and will try to apply them, some are dead set goofy and you're dropping $200 an hour dancing around the real problem.

Not saying don't do it, but go in eyes wide open.

3.0L · 01-25-2022, 11:15 AM

Whatever type of marriage counseling you might choose, go into it with the idea that it may or may not work. Also, get a grip on your pocketbook. Someone near and dear to me went through various types of marriage counseling (shrinks, church, etc.).

In the end, his now-ex-wife was still a jerk/mental-case, plus we were out many thousands of dollars (I know, because I helped pay the bills).

Tommy-G · 01-25-2022, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mein11

What hobbies would you rather your psychiatrist have to better suit marital counseling? Circus acting and magic?

They better be a damn wizard at balloon animals though

ZL9M2 · 01-25-2022, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RnmEvo9

You are better off getting a divorce than to seek marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is basically a circle jerk where you as a man are always at fault and need to do better.

Cut your losses and enjoy your newfound freedom from the plantation known as marriage.

^^^
What he said..... If you can't figure it out cut your losses.

dreamingat30fps · 01-25-2022, 11:53 AM

Dude why would you pay for marriage counseling when you have the OT forum???

Let us know what’s going on and I’m sure we can help you solve any issues you have. If you don’t believe me just check out some of our other work in previous threads.

infinitekidM2C · 01-25-2022, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Dude why would you pay for marriage counseling when you have the OT forum???

Let us know what’s going on and I’m sure we can help you solve any issues you have. If you don’t believe me just check out some of our other work in previous threads.

We're great with taxes too.

Alfisti · 01-25-2022, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Dude why would you pay for marriage counseling when you have the OT forum???

Let us know what’s going on and I’m sure we can help you solve any issues you have. If you don’t believe me just check out some of our other work in previous threads.

FUckin eh!

e90335e36m3 · 01-25-2022, 01:35 PM

Thanks for the feedback gents (and ladies?). This is a very complex situation that spans 11 years of relationship time and includes, cultural, religious, reproductive issues that would make the heads of the people of this forum explode.

I have not found the advise of psychologists effective so far, so was hoping to find a professional by reference or directly on this forum. I am looking to delve into WHY I think the way I think, the only responses I get are "oh this is very hard for you". No real questions asked, no attempts made to discover or explore things like guilt, dependency and so on.

The long and the short of it is, we have been in the process of divorce for 2 years (impacted by Covid), we are not using attorneys, have executed a separation agreement (no arguing over assets). Nevertheless, my wife refuses to allow me to leave (including physically holding me, flying to where I am, sending me thousands of texts a day with different numbers), despite my many failures in the relationship, and my refusal to adopt her religion, give her children and so on. Divorce is wrong to her on a religious basis. On her part, her significant failures have not been enough for me to leave. Time is running out, either I file the remaining paperwork or the court tosses my action.

We are both content (not super happy) and very financially secure. We are friends. And maybe that's enough. She still loves me and is in love with me. I love her more as a friend. We both deserve better.

We're both still here.

Alfisti · 01-25-2022, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by e90335e36m3

Nevertheless, my wife refuses to allow me to leave (including physically holding me, flying to where I am, sending me thousands of texts a day with different numbers), despite my many failures in the relationship, and my refusal to adopt her religion, give her children and so on. Divorce is wrong to her on a religious basis. On her part, her significant failures have not been enough for me to leave. Time is running out, either I file the remaining paperwork or the court tosses my action.

She still loves me and is in love with me. I love her more as a friend. We both deserve better.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-Kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Well that makes our comments a little easier. You are WELL past a therapist, you need a court order I am afraid. The fact there's no kids means you can cut ties here without regret.

It's done mate, wrap it up.

e90335e36m3 · 01-25-2022, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Quote:

Originally Posted by e90335e36m3

Nevertheless, my wife refuses to allow me to leave (including physically holding me, flying to where I am, sending me thousands of texts a day with different numbers), despite my many failures in the relationship, and my refusal to adopt her religion, give her children and so on. Divorce is wrong to her on a religious basis. On her part, her significant failures have not been enough for me to leave. Time is running out, either I file the remaining paperwork or the court tosses my action.

She still loves me and is in love with me. I love her more as a friend. We both deserve better.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-Kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Well that makes our comments a little easier. You are WELL past a therapist, you need a court order I am afraid. The fact there's no kids means you can cut ties here without regret.

It's done mate, wrap it up.

See my issue is leaving without feeling guilt, abandonment, so on. So the few times I was able to leave, she kept texting calling, in a non adversarial fashion, I love you and I need you and so on. Each time I felt guilty and came back.

I need to resolve my own issues.

Restraining order is out of the question unfortunately in this circumstance. Her actions are non adversarial, just manipulative and I cannot bring myself to take a step of this magnitude towards a person I love or that I am not adversarial with. Just not made that way.

rebekahb · 01-25-2022, 02:14 PM

Whew, there's a lot to unpack here. You are sacrificing your happiness to keep her sanity in check. You've been in a relationship for a long time and from what you've written it seems like you're a pretty compassionate guy. She sees and knows that and is using that to manipulate you into staying. With you being caring and compassionate you are going to feel guilt especially with the way she acts when/if you leave. You would have to put your big boy pants on and grow a vagina (they are stronger than balls

). Obviously, that's been a struggle if this is spanning 2 years. Life is to short to stay because it's easy. Hard things in life give us growth. Staying stuck is always easier.

cmyx6go · 01-25-2022, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by e90335e36m3

See my issue is leaving without feeling guilt, abandonment, so on. So the few times I was able to leave, she kept texting calling, in a non adversarial fashion, I love you and I need you and so on. Each time I felt guilty and came back.

I need to resolve my own issues.

Restraining order is out of the question unfortunately in this circumstance. Her actions are non adversarial, just manipulative and I cannot bring myself to take a step of this magnitude towards a person I love or that I am not adversarial with. Just not made that way.

You have to go. Don't stay because you feel guilty. You have a right to be happy. I made that mistake long ago and stayed with my husband WAY to long because I felt bad for him. I basically put him before me. When I finally did leave, it got ugly - he made it ugly. You need to come first. Plus, you're doing it the right way. You should not feel guilty for being straight with her.

Good luck to you.

cmyx6go · 01-25-2022, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebekahb

Whew, there's a lot to unpack here. You are sacrificing your happiness to keep her sanity in check. You've been in a relationship for a long time and from what you've written it seems like you're a pretty compassionate guy. She sees and knows that and is using that to manipulate you into staying. With you being caring and compassionate you are going to feel guilt especially with the way she acts when/if you leave. You would have to put your big boy pants on and grow a vagina (they are stronger than balls

). Obviously, that's been a struggle if this is spanning 2 years. Life is to short to stay because it's easy. Hard things in life give us growth. Staying stuck is always easier.

The women have spoken.

01-24-2022, 07:13 PM	#1
e90335e36m3 M3 1435 Rep 725 Posts Drives: M3s Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Earth iTrader: (4)	Anyone on the board who is one or who can recommend one? I've tried the better help route and had appointments with a few locals, not really to my satisfaction. Relationships & marital counseling is focus. Thx! PM me.
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01-24-2022, 08:26 PM	#2
RnmEvo9 Banned 250 Rep 1,827 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Pembroke Pines, FL iTrader: (2)	You are better off getting a divorce than to seek marriage counseling. Marriage counseling is basically a circle jerk where you as a man are always at fault and need to do better. Cut your losses and enjoy your newfound freedom from the plantation known as marriage.
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01-25-2022, 08:42 AM	#5
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01-25-2022, 08:48 AM	#6
Topcarbon Lieutenant 1311 Rep 506 Posts Drives: 2022 m4 Join Date: Jan 2022 Location: Pv mexico iTrader: (0)	If my psychiatrist was hanging around car forums and posting about his car I would not be his patient. Cool that he likes cars and we could talk about my addiction on cars but that’s about as far as that goes. My advise is if you are serious about your request, ask a friend to recommend someone, as I’m sure one has had challenges with their spouse.
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01-25-2022, 09:18 AM	#8
Day Laborer Lieutenant Colonel 1807 Rep 1,921 Posts Drives: M5 CS / iX 50i Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: NY, NY, CT, PA, MD, VA, DE, FL iTrader: (11) Garage List [0.00]	look for the LMFT specialty https://www.caredash.com/articles/lm...mily-therapist __________________ See our discounted BMW models here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets...OBuq9ee5ZhiOA/ https://www.instagram.com/day_laborer/ *(DM me from this account)* Email: nextlevelautobrokersdc@gmail.com
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01-25-2022, 09:52 AM	#10
Alfisti Brigadier General 6949 Rep 3,278 Posts Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Toronto, Canada iTrader: (0)	I will be more thoughtful but also echo concerns re. marriage counseling. We used one and so did my sister in law and both were women who really focused on making sure the woman was happy. I am not talking about choosing sides but it was clear that the theme was "happy wife, happy life". I have touched on this before but there is this cultural issue at play here where women can throw their toys out the pram and get what they want basically because the man is tired of all the conflict and just wants some fucking peace. I also found they struggled to identify the true underlying problems. Ours said to me "she feels unloved" and she clearly pushed us, instantly, to try and solve that (us writing nice notes to each other etc) but never dug into why she feels unloved and why I was acting in a way that made her feel unloved. Short answer to that was she was behaving like a complete cunt so i pulled away but we never got to that point of discussion. You also need to know your partner, these sessions only work if you're both totally honest and she is going to crack the shits as son as you leave the room because you were honest about your take, then you're back to square one. You also need to know what theory they prescribe too, they all learnt different methods and theories and will try to apply them, some are dead set goofy and you're dropping $200 an hour dancing around the real problem. Not saying don't do it, but go in eyes wide open.
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01-25-2022, 11:15 AM	#11
3.0L Colonel 11008 Rep 2,013 Posts Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300 Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: California iTrader: (0)	Whatever type of marriage counseling you might choose, go into it with the idea that it may or may not work. Also, get a grip on your pocketbook. Someone near and dear to me went through various types of marriage counseling (shrinks, church, etc.). In the end, his now-ex-wife was still a jerk/mental-case, plus we were out many thousands of dollars (I know, because I helped pay the bills). __________________ 2014 BMW M235i 2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian
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01-25-2022, 11:53 AM	#14
dreamingat30fps Colonel 5958 Rep 2,022 Posts Drives: Miata, Cayenne, Model 3, F350 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: South Florida & NC iTrader: (1)	Dude why would you pay for marriage counseling when you have the OT forum??? Let us know what’s going on and I’m sure we can help you solve any issues you have. If you don’t believe me just check out some of our other work in previous threads.
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01-25-2022, 01:35 PM	#17
e90335e36m3 M3 1435 Rep 725 Posts Drives: M3s Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Earth iTrader: (4)	Thanks for the feedback gents (and ladies?). This is a very complex situation that spans 11 years of relationship time and includes, cultural, religious, reproductive issues that would make the heads of the people of this forum explode. I have not found the advise of psychologists effective so far, so was hoping to find a professional by reference or directly on this forum. I am looking to delve into WHY I think the way I think, the only responses I get are "oh this is very hard for you". No real questions asked, no attempts made to discover or explore things like guilt, dependency and so on. The long and the short of it is, we have been in the process of divorce for 2 years (impacted by Covid), we are not using attorneys, have executed a separation agreement (no arguing over assets). Nevertheless, my wife refuses to allow me to leave (including physically holding me, flying to where I am, sending me thousands of texts a day with different numbers), despite my many failures in the relationship, and my refusal to adopt her religion, give her children and so on. Divorce is wrong to her on a religious basis. On her part, her significant failures have not been enough for me to leave. Time is running out, either I file the remaining paperwork or the court tosses my action. We are both content (not super happy) and very financially secure. We are friends. And maybe that's enough. She still loves me and is in love with me. I love her more as a friend. We both deserve better. We're both still here.
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01-25-2022, 02:14 PM	#20
rebekahb First Lieutenant 3231 Rep 320 Posts Drives: 2020 X5 M50i Join Date: Nov 2018 Location: New Orleans, LA iTrader: (0)	Whew, there's a lot to unpack here. You are sacrificing your happiness to keep her sanity in check. You've been in a relationship for a long time and from what you've written it seems like you're a pretty compassionate guy. She sees and knows that and is using that to manipulate you into staying. With you being caring and compassionate you are going to feel guilt especially with the way she acts when/if you leave. You would have to put your big boy pants on and grow a vagina (they are stronger than balls). Obviously, that's been a struggle if this is spanning 2 years. Life is to short to stay because it's easy. Hard things in life give us growth. Staying stuck is always easier.
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