I think I am dating a racist

bringsmewomen · 08-30-2010, 08:27 AM

I'm asian. I've been on two dates with a Korean girl. She seems to be pretty cool all around except for one thing. She seems to be a little discriminant towards non-asians. The way in which I first discovered this is when in conversation, I tell her I typically can date any nationality as long as they're cool and we click well. She said she only date asians. I thought to myself, hmm fine. Personal preference.

But it came up again last night in conversation and she referred back to this earlier conversation, she said she thought it was "weird" that I date non-asians. She's also said other little things which hints a bit of things along the same lines. I'm not sure I'd consider that completely racist because it's quite common for asians to only want to date asians. However, I do feel like it leans towards a bit of racism and it throws a kink into how I think of her since I disagree with this notion.

Aside from this fact, she seems to be cool and we get along great. We can talk for hours, and we have decent chemistry. I think she's got a lot of potential otherwise. But this bothers me.

What do y'all think about this?

immiketoo · 08-30-2010, 08:50 AM

Just because its common doesn't mean it isn't racist. It could also just be a part of her cultural norm. You really need more info. Does she express negative reasons or emotions toward other races, or specific individuals, or is it general inexperience?

I think racism is a term that is overly broad and used as a weapon these days, and I am very careful about using it, except in jest. For example, judging a group of people based solely on their race is inappropriate (racial profiling), while understanding that members of certain cultures often exhibit similar behaviors and basing decisions on that observation is acceptable. Its a subtle but important distinction, and this is where your issue with your girl comes in.

bringsmewomen · 08-30-2010, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by immiketoo

Just because its common doesn't mean it isn't racist. It could also just be a part of her cultural norm. You really need more info. Does she express negative reasons or emotions toward other races, or specific individuals, or is it general inexperience?

I think racism is a term that is overly broad and used as a weapon these days, and I am very careful about using it, except in jest. For example, judging a group of people based solely on their race is inappropriate (racial profiling), while understanding that members of certain cultures often exhibit similar behaviors and basing decisions on that observation is acceptable. Its a subtle but important distinction, and this is where your issue with your girl comes in.

I feel like there is a lot of truth to what you say. I guess for me, I grew up always being friends with everyone. My best friends are non-asians. I hang out with non-asians. She seems to hang out with only asians. If it gets serious, it's possible it will work itself out and everything will be fine. But it's a concern that I have for now.

BTM · 08-30-2010, 09:00 AM

+1 on it possibly being cultural or instilled from her parents or something. My gf is Albanian/Montenegran and if you know any recent history you don't really blame her for a predisposition against Serbians - it's not full blown racism but like you said, it's little quips here and there. Get to know her better and see how it goes - 2 dates ain't shit

Oh yea, and pics or gtfo

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn · 08-30-2010, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTM

+1 on it possibly being cultural or instilled from her parents or something. My gf is Albanian/Montenegran and if you know any recent history you don't really blame her for a predisposition against Serbians - it's not full blown racism but like you said, it's little quips here and there. Get to know her better and see how it goes - 2 dates ain't shit

Oh yea, and pics or gtfo

No you post pics. Wtf does a montenegran look like!?

immiketoo · 08-30-2010, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTM

+1 on it possibly being cultural or instilled from her parents or something. My gf is Albanian/Montenegran and if you know any recent history you don't really blame her for a predisposition against Serbians - it's not full blown racism but like you said, it's little quips here and there. Get to know her better and see how it goes - 2 dates ain't shit

Oh yea, and pics or gtfo

Good point!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ferrari355fi

No you post pics. Wtf does a montenegran look like!?

GREAT POINT!

1ForAll · 08-30-2010, 09:20 AM

It could be how she was raised and influences from her parents. I am German/Brasilian and dating a Chinese girl. Her parents always told her as she was growing up that they wanted her to date and eventually marry another Chinese man. She has no issues with dating "outside" her race, but she was influenced with her first BF, with him being Chinese.

Also as stated above, she could have a reason for not liking a certain race because of something traumatic in her life...
GL with her bro

BTM · 08-30-2010, 09:28 AM

Against my better judgement (Mike should know where this was taken)

Your turn

TikoV · 08-30-2010, 09:32 AM

Well I'm Indian....and I can only speak of my experiences of where I stay, the UK. Over here, there is a lot of 'profiling'. The instrumental racism amongst each others is prevalent and until that is eradicated or minimised then there will always be strong opinions with the 'opposite' per se.

I myself am in the process of getting married next coming months and my partner is german/estonian. However, my family are of a very liberal background although they have strong religious views. They accepted my girlfriend as they would've anyone else that I brought home to meet them. I proportion this to being educated, cultural diversified and good people. Most that are 'racists' aren't sadly.

TikoV · 08-30-2010, 10:07 AM

My turn....Day I handed her the keys

Chewy734 · 08-30-2010, 10:30 AM

I think it has a lot to do with the culture and the way you are brought up. For example, most Indians do not marry outside our race mainly because the cultures, language, etc would be so different. It would be more difficult to instill those eastern world-views or long-standing family traditions with our children, etc. But, to say those people are racist is a bit premature or ignorant, imo.

Hawkeye · 08-30-2010, 10:41 AM

^lol. Why was it your turn?

TikoV · 08-30-2010, 10:50 AM

To demonstrate a cultural diversified life I live, ok

Memphis1 · 08-30-2010, 10:50 AM

I think families telling their kids to stay within your race or culture, whether racist or not, is even worse than being a racist. why do you think brazilians are so beautiful, cuz everybody's fucking everybody. French, German, Asians, indians, Latinos, everybody. The more you mix it up the healthier and prettier your kids are.

TikoV · 08-30-2010, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Memphis1

I think families telling their kids to stay within your race or culture, whether racist or not, is even worse than being a racist. why do you think brazilians are so beautiful, cuz everybody's fucking everybody. French, German, Asians, indians, Latinos, everybody. The more you mix it up the healthier and prettier your kids are.

Well the chicas are pretty hot...so could be some truth in that lol.

ghosthi32 · 08-30-2010, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTM

Against my better judgement (Mike should know where this was taken)

Your turn

cute gf

Memphis1 · 08-30-2010, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghosthi32

cute gf

Yeah, what did you do?? Drug her,

BTM · 08-30-2010, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Memphis1

Yeah, what did you do?? Drug her,

I'll just say that a secure phone line, drop point, and container ship were involved

immiketoo · 08-30-2010, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTM

I'll just say that a secure phone line, drop point, and container ship were involved

After all that, you let her out in the City? Brave man!

BTM · 08-30-2010, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by immiketoo

After all that, you let her out in the City? Brave man!

You can't tell in that pic but in my hand is a leash

TK-421 · 08-30-2010, 12:12 PM

Almost all Asians I know are racist. And being a fob myself, I know quite a few to say the least. Therefore she probably is.

JayKay335i · 08-30-2010, 12:18 PM

I've had some Asian friends in the past but never really was close with them. In grad school I have met a lot of Asians and I couldn't believe how close minded many of them were and how cliquey they were. Many will ONLY hang out with Asians. Many come from completely Asian communities. I actually have a problem with somebody coming to America and living in a community that tries its best to pretend they are back in Asia.

08-30-2010, 08:27 AM	#1
bringsmewomen Lieutenant 266 Rep 484 Posts Drives: e90 Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CA iTrader: (0)	I think I am dating a racist I'm asian. I've been on two dates with a Korean girl. She seems to be pretty cool all around except for one thing. She seems to be a little discriminant towards non-asians. The way in which I first discovered this is when in conversation, I tell her I typically can date any nationality as long as they're cool and we click well. She said she only date asians. I thought to myself, hmm fine. Personal preference. But it came up again last night in conversation and she referred back to this earlier conversation, she said she thought it was "weird" that I date non-asians. She's also said other little things which hints a bit of things along the same lines. I'm not sure I'd consider that completely racist because it's quite common for asians to only want to date asians. However, I do feel like it leans towards a bit of racism and it throws a kink into how I think of her since I disagree with this notion. Aside from this fact, she seems to be cool and we get along great. We can talk for hours, and we have decent chemistry. I think she's got a lot of potential otherwise. But this bothers me. What do y'all think about this?
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08-30-2010, 09:00 AM	#4
BTM Banned 510 Rep 10,309 Posts Drives: A///MERICAN!!! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: A///MERICA!!! iTrader: (11) Garage List 2007 BMW Z4 M Coupe [7.20]	+1 on it possibly being cultural or instilled from her parents or something. My gf is Albanian/Montenegran and if you know any recent history you don't really blame her for a predisposition against Serbians - it's not full blown racism but like you said, it's little quips here and there. Get to know her better and see how it goes - 2 dates ain't shit Oh yea, and pics or gtfo
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08-30-2010, 09:20 AM	#7
1ForAll Colonel 152 Rep 2,127 Posts Drives: E92 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Orlando iTrader: (4) Garage List 2007 OSS Designs 335 [9.16] 2007 BMW 335i [9.28] 2007 BMW 335i [7.60]	It could be how she was raised and influences from her parents. I am German/Brasilian and dating a Chinese girl. Her parents always told her as she was growing up that they wanted her to date and eventually marry another Chinese man. She has no issues with dating "outside" her race, but she was influenced with her first BF, with him being Chinese. Also as stated above, she could have a reason for not liking a certain race because of something traumatic in her life... GL with her bro __________________ "Go with Ray's. His e92 is God." - mashimarho
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08-30-2010, 09:28 AM	#8
BTM Banned 510 Rep 10,309 Posts Drives: A///MERICAN!!! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: A///MERICA!!! iTrader: (11) Garage List 2007 BMW Z4 M Coupe [7.20]	Against my better judgement (Mike should know where this was taken) Your turn Last edited by BTM; 08-30-2010 at 09:41 AM..
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08-30-2010, 09:32 AM	#9
TikoV Captain 35 Rep 664 Posts Drives: BMW 335d/X5 40d Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Glasgow iTrader: (0)	Well I'm Indian....and I can only speak of my experiences of where I stay, the UK. Over here, there is a lot of 'profiling'. The instrumental racism amongst each others is prevalent and until that is eradicated or minimised then there will always be strong opinions with the 'opposite' per se. I myself am in the process of getting married next coming months and my partner is german/estonian. However, my family are of a very liberal background although they have strong religious views. They accepted my girlfriend as they would've anyone else that I brought home to meet them. I proportion this to being educated, cultural diversified and good people. Most that are 'racists' aren't sadly. __________________
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08-30-2010, 10:07 AM	#10
TikoV Captain 35 Rep 664 Posts Drives: BMW 335d/X5 40d Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Glasgow iTrader: (0)	My turn....Day I handed her the keys __________________
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08-30-2010, 10:30 AM	#11
Chewy734 Major General 504 Rep 6,798 Posts Drives: 2006 BMW 330i ZPP, ZSP Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: LA, CA iTrader: (15)	I think it has a lot to do with the culture and the way you are brought up. For example, most Indians do not marry outside our race mainly because the cultures, language, etc would be so different. It would be more difficult to instill those eastern world-views or long-standing family traditions with our children, etc. But, to say those people are racist is a bit premature or ignorant, imo. __________________ Currently for sale: [19" Linea Corse LC818 wheel], [19" Fallen FK452 tire]
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08-30-2010, 10:41 AM	#12
Hawkeye Brigadier General 2062 Rep 4,365 Posts Drives: '07 Z4 Coupe, '21 X3, '16 GMC Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Iowa iTrader: (0) Garage List 2016 GMC Sierra SLT [10.00] 2008 Yamaha R6 [9.00]	^lol. Why was it your turn? __________________ 2007 Z4 3.0si Coupe • 6 MT • Black Saphire Metallic • PP • SP 2016 GMC Sierra SLT Z71 Premium Plus 4x4 2017 Harley StreetGlide • Denim Black • V&H Tune 2021 BMW x30i • Phytonic Blue Metallic • Fully loaded
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08-30-2010, 10:50 AM	#13
TikoV Captain 35 Rep 664 Posts Drives: BMW 335d/X5 40d Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Glasgow iTrader: (0)	To demonstrate a cultural diversified life I live, ok __________________
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08-30-2010, 10:50 AM	#14
Memphis1 Lieutenant Colonel 97 Rep 1,838 Posts Drives: Z4 SDrive 35i Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: CT iTrader: (0)	I think families telling their kids to stay within your race or culture, whether racist or not, is even worse than being a racist. why do you think brazilians are so beautiful, cuz everybody's fucking everybody. French, German, Asians, indians, Latinos, everybody. The more you mix it up the healthier and prettier your kids are. __________________
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08-30-2010, 12:12 PM	#21
TK-421 Registered Sex Offender 635 Rep 4,757 Posts Drives: E46 M3 \| 1JZ S13 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL iTrader: (0)	Almost all Asians I know are racist. And being a fob myself, I know quite a few to say the least. Therefore she probably is. __________________ Stop putting stuff like painted reflectors and premium package in your signature. You're embarrassing.
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08-30-2010, 12:18 PM	#22
JayKay335i Banned 200 Rep 5,046 Posts Drives: ///M323 DCT Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota; its best DUHHHHHH iTrader: (1)	I've had some Asian friends in the past but never really was close with them. In grad school I have met a lot of Asians and I couldn't believe how close minded many of them were and how cliquey they were. Many will ONLY hang out with Asians. Many come from completely Asian communities. I actually have a problem with somebody coming to America and living in a community that tries its best to pretend they are back in Asia.
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